a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
