worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
