is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do herpes really smell.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
