it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
