My underwear smells like fireworks.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize