is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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