What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
