I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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