I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
