i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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