apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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