I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
