I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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