my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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