i think my mom watched the whole time
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
