if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
