The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
