I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
