I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
