Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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