Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
