I think im going to throw up on grandma
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
