Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
