Sponge bath it is.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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