Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
