Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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