she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
