apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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