she takes plan B like it's going out of style
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
