i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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