Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
