i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
