Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize