idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
