Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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