just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
