You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize