when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
