New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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