i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
