I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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