under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
