He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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