sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
