Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
