Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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