Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
