Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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