Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
