What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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