The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish I only lived at night.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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