She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
