Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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