I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
