put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Houston, we have a blender
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
