I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
