It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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