I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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