When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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