the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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