i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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