All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
