Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
