I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
