She's JV to your varsity
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
