I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
