I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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