Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
