Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
