I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
