there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
