there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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