you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
