I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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