i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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