OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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