how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
