I'm going to jail i love you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
