she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
