After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
