tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
