barbara walters just said penis...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
