Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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