so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
