We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
