You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
