You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
