Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
