hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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