we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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