Sry I called you an 8
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize