I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
