I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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