I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
